The Stupid Gamer

I have no words for this. I…uh, erm, just watch.

(Note: Some colorful language in the second half)

We’ve been dealing with DDoS attacks for the past couple of days. If you visit the site and it’s down, don’t worry, we’ll have it all worked out soon.

Until then, do the world a favor and punch a hacker in the face (if he ever leaves his mom’s basement, that is).

I know they’re just kids…but that is some of the worst singing I’ve ever heard.

Seriously. Not admirable in the least. Well, maybe a little. Oh, and language warning for after he finishes the song…

In a recent article put out by Forbes, silliness is put to paper by pen. In an attempt to hitch a ride to the GTA IV hype train, Forbes is trying to say that the lack of GTA could spell doom for the Wii’s success in the long term. They claim that GTA IV is going to sell consoles and since the Wii isn’t seeing a GTA release that they’ll lose out on many buyers. Seriously.

So why didn’t it hurt the Wii when they didn’t get Halo 3? What about Gears of War? BioShock? Hmmm, maybe because the average Wii buyer doesn’t care about those games. If the Wii is targeting a new market, than hit franchises from the past aren’t really going to matter much to the Wii’s success in either the short or long term. Forbes should probably go back to tracking some financial reports from some stupid Malaysian tech company we’ve never heard of or something. That might be for the best.

Original Forbes article: Shameless attempt to chime in on GTA IV

I love arcades and console gaming. I think both are great, but I don’t really see the point in cramming both into a massive monstrosity. A couple of weeks ago I posted about somebody who ruined a Tempest to shove a Wii into the cabinet, but this guy takes it one step further. This custom MAME cabinet incorporates a full MAME setup, a Nintendo Wii, a 42″ HDTV, a 6.1 sound system, and one of the biggest cabinets you’ll ever see. It’s ugly, it’s huge, and it’s probably just an overall bad idea. The four player coin door is a genius stroke when it only has a two player setup as well. Just great thinking all around went into this one. To get an idea at the size of this thing, here are some comparison dimensions and a picture:

Dimensions for a Donkey Kong arcade cabinet
Height: 67″
Depth: 33.5″
Width: 23.5″
approx. 220 lbs

Dimensions for the Custom MAME/Wii machine
Height: 78″
Depth: 60″
Width: 48″
approx. 500 lbs

Oh, and did I mention that the seller wants $7,000 for this thing (before shipping)? Hahahahahamburger.

A 19 yr. old “man” was arrested for threatening his mom with a knife when she refused to let him use her credit card to buy a new Xbox and a sports jersey. The moron, who was just released out of jail, was upset that his Xbox didn’t work when he got back and he wanted to buy a new one. When the repair center said it would take 30 days, he went stupid and tried to buy a new one with his mom’s credit card. When she refused, he decided to calmly and rationally pull a knife on her to try to persuade her. The original news report said:

White’s mother told police her son got out of jail Sunday and became upset when he tried to use the gaming system for the first time since his incarceration and it didn’t work.

“His mother called the company and they said that they can ship another unit, but it would take 30 days to process the claim,” the report states.

Not wanting to wait, White took his mother’s credit card and tried to order another unit and a new sports jersey over the Internet. White’s mom said he couldn’t order anything, and he reportedly hid the credit card in his bedroom.

White’s anger worsened and he got a knife and “said he was going to hurt her.”

White’s sister said she saw her brother holding a knife.

White denied having a knife, saying he was “upset that he just got out of jail and his Xbox does not work and his jersey is missing.”

Come on, who does she think she is? He’s had a rough go in jail and now his Xbox is broken? She should be showering him with gifts, favors, and floor seat tickets to the upcoming Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana concert.

Giant enemy crabs seem to have fused with the Pringles Man in EverQuest 2. Don’t believe me? Well, try to deny the evidence you see below:

Here we have your typical every day crab. He looks nice and completely docile. What happens, however, when you combine him with this?

The Pringles Man. One of the surliest fellows you’ll ever have the displeasure of coming across.

Here is the end result!

It’s pretty obvious what’s going on here. We’re onto you, Sony.

C’mon, EA! This is ridiculous. In an official press release EA Sports announced the ship date and price for Madden 2009. Here are some cuts from the release (we’ll whine after the quotes):

Madden NFL 09 will be available in retail stores in North America on August 12, including a special collector’s edition in celebration of the 20th anniversary of one of the best-selling video games franchises of all time. The Madden NFL 09 20th Anniversary Collector’s Edition will be the ultimate interactive NFL experience - featuring full versions of both Madden NFL 09 and the all-new NFL Head Coach 09, exclusive classic Madden NFL gameplay, and an extensive library of bonus video content.

Additionally, gamers will be able to import their user-designed plays from NFL Head Coach 09 and put them into Madden NFL 09 to create customized playbooks for complete control on the field.

Madden NFL 09 will be available for the Xbox 360™ video game system from Microsoft, PlayStation®2 and PLAYSTATION®3 computer entertainment systems, Wii™, Nintendo DS™, PSP™ (PlayStation®Portable) handheld entertainment system and is rated RP by the ESRB. At a suggested retail price of $89.99, Madden NFL 09 20th Anniversary Collector’s Edition will be available for the Xbox 360™ and PLAYSTATION®3.

So let’s look at this. The standard price for a collector’s edition this generation as been $70, a price that already feels way too high…so EA feels that somehow $90 is fair. Great. Oh, sure, you’re going to get NFL Head Coach with it, but who really wants that? It’s like Madden, but somebody takes the controller away from you when the game starts.

The most disturbing, however, is that you’ll need NFL Head Coach to be able to draw up your plays. Yes, if you don’t buy this inflated and ridiculous version of the game, you’ll no longer be able to draw up your own plays in Madden and use your own playbook. I’m tired of this crap, EA. Madden has been in a constant state of degeneration ever since 2005 (the last year NFL 2k was a competitor). Unless we see a HUGE leap forward in gameplay, I’m done with this series for good. After taking so much from gamers over the years, you’d think to celebrate 20 years of strong support from the gaming community that EA could give something back, rather than just screwing over their fan base once more. Guess not.

I’m not here to judge anybody. Well, maybe I am, but hidden here behind the wall of Internet anonymity, I feel the need to call some people out for their poor decision making. There are things in life that you do that you later regret, and I have pretty much no reservations in saying that each and every person you see below will at some point wish they hadn’t permanently defaced their bodies. So, without further delay, here are a few of the worst gaming tattoos you’ll ever see.

Note: There’s no nudity, but by nature of what tattoos are there will be plenty of skin, so I’m putting the images (after the first one) below the fold. Those at work can decide if their comfortable or not with the amount of skin for themselves. Get past the jump, however, and you’re in for a real treat!

“It’s so bad!” He said it, not me. Wait, actually, the tattoo itself said it. So we have two possible scenarios here, either the guy thought that the Power Glove was so terrible and laughable that it deserved a shoutout on his arm, or else he thought it was so bad (bad meaning good) that it deserved a shoutout on his arm. This, my friends, is just plain bad (you figure out what I mean).

Click the link below for more! You know you want to.

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