The Stupid Gamer

Video Games, Opinions, Thoughts, & Tomfoolery

The Stupid Gamer - Video Games, Opinions, Thoughts, & Tomfoolery

Assassin’s Creed 3 is a 10/10 game, right?

I’m kind of pissed off. The early reviews for Assassin’s Creed 3 did not talk enough about how buggy this game is. There are passing mentions of a little rough edge here and there, but by in large, not enough was said about how flat out buggy and glitched up the game would be. As of right now, there are five perfect scores for the game. Well you know what? That perfect score went right out the window for me within the first two hours when the following things happened:

  • A weapon that an enemy dropped got “stuck” about 15 feet in the air and I couldn’t pick it up (I needed it badly)
  • A mission critical enemy fell through the ground and I couldn’t reach him
  • I got stuck on the environment and had to quit/reload
  • My horse got stuck in the environment and I had to dismount and walk to my destination
  • And what you see below happened a few times…

Even More Gamer Tattoos That You Never Asked to See

We had some fun looking at some gamer tattoos a while back and the post ended up being the top commented post of any other on the blog. I figured it might be time to take a look at a few more gamer tattoos, including some that are cringe worthy beyond compare. And just to be clear once more, all my comments here are in good fun and shouldn’t be taken too seriously, ok? So, let’s see what we have.

Between the gauged ear and the ridiculous hair you wouldn’t think that a tattoo could make things much worse, but holy Capcom, this pair of tattoos lowers the bar to new lows. With the binary code on the back of his head and Ryu’s fireball firmly within his hairline, he can fortunately cover this up by letting his hair grow out. But hey, with such awesome tats, why would you, right?

What is wrong with Sonic’s hands and feet?! His fingers look more tangled than a politician’s lies. The white from his eyes is bleeding onto his face, and he’s just looking a little distorted from top to bottom. Sonic’s strength has always been speed, so I’m guessing this tattoo was laid down rather quickly.

There’s no way she’ll ever regret this decision. Nintendo Zappers with crooked barrels, some mushrooms, stars, and a Pac-Man cherry just for good measure. It’s like a buffet of bad decisions. At least we know she won’t be one of those gross 60 year old ladies trying to rock the bikini, shame will dictate that.

Guitar Hero will always be popular and cool, right?

Tattoo Artist: Now let me just double check, you said you wanted half of the controller on each hand?

Tattoo Dude: Yeah, man. I often walk around with my hands like this because I have to beg for food since I’m not smart enough to hold a job. Seeing this will remind me of how awesome the PS3 is.

Not all of these look terrible. I just have to wonder how long she’s going to love Kirby. Many tattoos are done under the folly of shortsightedness, but Kirby seems like one of those things that you’ll stop having a deep love for as you age. The artist did do a pretty good job, however.

Most parents despise their kids playing video games. I really hope that this girl’s mom had a love for the SNES, or that’s just disrespect for the deceased right there. It’s kind of like if you put the date your dad died on your arm along with an image of you leaving the lights on and the water running in the sink.

I’m guessing she’ll be happy this is on her back so that she doesn’t have to see it every time she’s getting undressed. This is a prime example of why you don’t let your 4 year old nephew draw up your tattoo for you.

I can’t imagine how much easier it is to get a job when you walk in, sit down, and answer questions from your potential employer while you both try to act like that huge facial tattoo isn’t there.

Some people put the name of their wife or girlfriend on their arm. This dude put his gamertag there. I think that says more about him than I ever could.

I’m actually really sorry for this. I’m kind of left speechless on this one.

Another two that actually look pretty good, but I question their size and whether or not these girls really want to have these there permanently. They do look like well done tattoos, however.

Pretty dumb, man. Pretty dumb. Of course, if you’re such an elite hacker, I’m sure you can get this post taken down.

The fad of making tattoos look like skin peels is getting played out, so why not combine it with what’s probably the most overused gaming tattoo image? Sweet, man.

I have more that have been sent in, and more that I found myself doing a quick check around, but I’ll need to stop here for now. After a while you just start feeling a bit depressed by the poor decisions that other gamers are making. With that said, I’m sure I’ll be coming out with a third of these posts soon. If you want to see the first gamer tattoo post, check it out here: http://stupidgamer.com/2008/03/31/because-nobody-asked-for-itbad-gamer-tattoos/

Frogger should be banned!

Some guy in South Carolina decided to play Frogger earlier this week, but he wasn’t playing the original arcade version or any of the console or handheld ports. This guy actually ran out into a 4 lane highway and started trying to dodge cars. It ended how you’d expect, and he was struck by a car and sent to the hospital. This wasn’t some stupid 6 year old kid, either, it was a 23 year old man. Obviously the temptation to copy what we see in video games is too strong.

Source: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20101229/ap_on_re_us/us_frogger_wreck

Street Fighter High: The Musical

Street Fighter High was a goofy fan-made short that appeared on YouTube a while back and got quite a bit of attention. A sequel was announced and updates have been appearing at http://streetfighterhigh.blogspot.com/ from time to time. Well, the sequel is here and it’s a musical…of sorts. Justin Wong even has an appearance (as himself) in the piece. For an idea of the awesomeness, here’s a quote from the show.

Ryu: Chun-Li, can I take you to prom?

Chun-Li: Sure you can!

Ryu (confused): Did you…say..SHORYUKEN?!

Chun-Li: Huh?

Ryu: Oh…wait…gotcha…awesome!

Yes, it’s stupid, but you can’t look away. Head over to http://streetfighterhigh.blogspot.com/ to see the whole thing, and if you haven’t caught the first episode, it’s embedded below.

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Gaming Setups Hall of Shame – Part Four

 

I’m probably going to take some more more heat for this, but I think it’s worth it. Before I continue with this piece, let me explain my methodology for choosing those pictures found in this post. Every once in a while you’ll see a message board thread inviting the community to share their gaming and/or home theater setups. Eager forum users time and time again step up and post their pictures while proudly stating, “this is my setup!” Well, if you’re going to put yourself out there, I’m going to be the jerk that saves your picture, shares it with an audience, and ridicules each and every one of your missteps. To be fair, however, I don’t make fun of people for having poor setups due to financial constraint; everybody is judged according to how well they did within their financial means. It’s all about execution, people! Also, you can click on the images to enlarge them (and believe me, but the final image you’ll want to).

Note: I’ll be adding to this as the need arrives. If you find worthy submissions, email them to me at jar155 [at] gmail dot com.

moreroom

I’m guessing that there must be a good reason why everything in this person’s room is jammed into this single little shelf unit. I figure that the house was built upon an active volcano and that the floors are indeed made of hot magma. Why else wouldn’t you let your power bricks sit behind everything on the floor? Or maybe they just look great elbowing for space with dusty figurines, smashed game boxes, and whatever else might be on there. One solid bump, and that’s all coming down.

I had a conversation with this guy, and I said, “Hey buddy, why don’t you move some of that stuff into boxes or somewhere else where they won’t be so tightly crammed in?” He said, “Well, now, I can’t do that, can I? I already have the game shelf. It’s the game shelf. I put my game stuff on the game shelf.” In order to avoid a possible British comedy style conversation, I just nodded and left him be.

stacked

I’m not certified, and I’m certainly not qualified, but I have to write this guy up for a safety violation. We all can see what’s going to happen here. This guy will asleep in bed and his little brother will be using the bathroom in the next room. Little bro will let the lid drop too hard on the toilet seat and the resulting vibrations will send everything crashing down. Should he survive the initial avalanche, digging out won’t be easy. And how in the world is he getting games out of there to play? Some of those are stacked two deep and several levels high. I want to make friends with him just to ask if I can borrow one of those hard to reach games.

And finally, you don’t need to store your Rock Band drum sticks in the impale position, there’s a holder for them that lets you store them horizontally, also known as the “don’t die” placement.

Keep reading past the jump for more. You know you want to. You know you will.

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Tetris, for people who have way too much free time

Tetris has always been a great time waster, but this version of it clearly outdoes anything you have ever seen before. By using your whole screen and shrinking the pieces down, it would take you all day to make any significant progress. If you get up to 10-20 lines, you’re a far more patient and dedicated man than I am. If anybody sends me a screen shot of them getting a Tetris, well, I might just have to give you an high five.

Link: http://sovietrussia.org/f/src/tetoris.swf

Seriously now, this is just silly.

Note: Pressing space bar makes the block drop faster. You can also click on the “key” button on the top right to make it so space bar rotates the block and the down arrow makes it fall faster.

I miss 80s game and food ads

The 80s were full of ridiculous trends and fashions, but one thing I kinda miss is the cheesy style of advertising for things like toys, games, and food. Back then advertisers were kind of fun, rather than just irritating (see: Taco Bell). Below are a few YouTube finds of some ads that I pulled at random to remember the good old days.

Someone at Gamestop.com is a comedian

The item description for Chrono Trigger DS at Gamestop.com is rather odd. Rather than giving a description on the game, it makes a direct Napolean Dynamite reference, and then it ends there. I’m thinking that either someone is tired of their job and wants to go out with a bang, or this was a placeholder description that was accidentally put live. I doubt that they’re trying to sell the game with the current description. Below is a pic grabbed from the site in case they change it.

James Bond does his best Wallace Guyford routine on the Wii

At TGS many new screens, trailers, and announcements have come forth. Without a doubt, the most disappointing screenshot to emerge was Activision’s Quantum of Solace on the Wii. Now, we all know that teh Wii is no graphical powerhouse, but is there any reason why it should look worse than Dreamcast level of graphics? Seriously, Activision, this is grade-A bull crap. Up until now, the biggest joke of a screenshot this generation came from Perfect Dark Zero’s unveiling when Wallguy (full name Wallace Guyford) became an instant meme, but now I think Mr. Bond has outdone our good pal. Maybe the impact is less, but the crappiness is more (now that’s an awesome sentence…stay in school kids).

For comparison sakes…

James Bond: Quantum of Solace on the Wii

Just look at that water on the right side of the pic…LOOK AT IT! The muddied textures, the low poly counts, the haze, and the idiot guy on the left looking down the wrong side of the hall all add up for one poor looking screenshot.

Wallguy’s famous intro to the world with Perfect Dark Zero

Yes, his legs are different sizes, and yes, it looks like he’s part of the wall, but I’m sorry Wallguy, you’ve been outdone.

Half-Life on the Dreamcast…TEN YEARS AGO