The Stupid Gamer

Each month when the new sales figures come out fans of the “losing” console freak out. They lose their sense of reality and just start spamming message forums with damage control. This month Sony fans are in backpedal mode, and here are a few choice cuts. I plan on doing this each month, we’ll see if I can keep up the desire to do so. I’ve basically gone to a couple of forums and pulled random quotes that I felt were dumb. I’ve then added a response of my own that is debatable in its humor value. For the most part, the original comments speak for themselves.

—-

Damn close between 360 and ps3.

also, holy sh** at psp games in the top 10, and TWO OF THEM!

Snarky Response: Yes, ignore that the Wii was even on the charts. It will go away. The PSP taking 1/5th of the top ten is the only remarkable occurence of the month.

—-

(Quoted from another post) - “Damn, Guitar Hero III on the Wii just keeps trucking!”

good…maybe it will force nintendo to add a friggen harddrive

Snarky Response: Right, because GOOD sales typically force companies to change their strategies. Oh wait.

—-

Holy crap, are people on Wii just playing Smash and Guitar Hero?

Snarky Response: Yes, and PS3 owners are only playing Army of Two. The top 10 doesn’t account for all game sales, champ.

—-

(Quoted from another post) - “I wonder why the high def consoles dropped..kind of discouraging.”

state of economy?

Snarky Response: It must be! That’s why March was the biggest non-holiday month in the history of gaming (in regards to overall sales). This, my friends, is called grasping at straws.

—-

I think millions of hardcore gamers are going to cry out in pain the day WiiFit is released.

Snarky Response: Probably for two reasons this guy is correct. First, because it will be the first time they’ve ever done a push up, and secondly, once Wii Fit releases secret police forces will remove all “traditional” games from shelves and immediately shut down the production of any non-Wii waggle heavy title.

—-

The interesting thing about the Wii is that Smash Bro probably contributed very little to that number. Most of that are driven by Wii Sports.

Snarky Response: Yeah, I can’t see how a game moving 2.7 million copies could have an impact on sales at all.

—-

Are we going to consider the PS3 and 360 a tie since it is only 5k discrepancy? Since NPD does not get full report from all vedors, ie Toys R US, IE Amazon.

Snarky Response: Faulty logic. WOuldn’t you have to increase the 360 and Wii numbers as well? Oh wait, we only play this card when our system of choice is behind. I keep forgetting that.

—-

Wasn’t Easter in march? Isn’t that considered a mini Christmas? Could that explain the huge sales number of the Wii?

Snarky Response: Lucky for Nintendo Miyamoto is the Easter Bunny and he doesn’t support non-Nintendo products. Look, I have proof!

—-

I love Metal Gear 4. I think it is the best online experience of any game ever. Same with the single player. Let me swim in the awesome Kojima.

Snarky Response: Nice time to talk about the sheer awesomeness of an unreleased game, huh? Hey buddy, that deflection tactic didn’t help sales any.

—-

I don’t get why so many say that the wii has won this generation. Sure the hardware sales are unprecedented for the wii but the hardware only exists to play the GAMES. Software is why we’re all here in the first place and software is where the money is made in this industry. The 360 is kicking huge amounts of ass when it comes to software sales and is the rightful winner of this generation at this point!

Snarky Response: Again, top 10 sales aren’t all the sales. The Wii, like the DS, has a massive userbase and their sales are spread out across a large library. Wii software sales have actually been higher than 360 sales 3 out of the past 4 months (overall).

—-

Guys debating Wii vs 360/Ps3 must be the same guys that like to debate ice cream flavors.

“Chocolate > strawberry, and it sells the most too, so there should be only chocolate.”

“But i want more than chocolate. I actually like to mix Chocolate with strawberry flavor”

“F*** you.”

…. Seriously people. Give it a rest.

Snarky Response: I can’t believe he took the time to come up with this analogy. Analogies are dumber than a gorilla in a snowstorm. I’d never use one.

—-

And who cares how well Wii sold? It’s not even competing with PS3 and 360 IMO.

Snarky Response: Adding “IMO” to the end of a post doesn’t give you immunity. What a stupid post. So can Pepsi just claim that they’re number one because they don’t consider Coke a competitor? If so, they should IMO.

Note: IMO is lazy forum speak for “in my opinion”. It’s often used when somebody knows they’re saying something stupid and they don’t want to take heat for it because they can’t back up their statement with any basis in reality.

—-

Yes, that’s right…Mortal Kombat 8 is going to feature DC Comics characters mixed in with traditional Mortal Kombat, er, Kombatants. Not much has been revealed yet, but I’m sure the stir that the first videos and screens cause will be truly amazing. Here’s the first teaser pic released.

So, it will be interesting to see if DC is comfortable with allowing Batman to have his spine ripped out or with Superman having his head sliced off. For gamers I guess it means that you can finally have Batman just obliterate Robin and finish him off with gory results. Yay? We’ll see.

Last month was an insane month for sales. Software totals nearly generated $1 billion in sales. That figure is astronomically high, especially for March. The Wii and DS came out with monstrous totals this month, and the 360 regained a leadership position over the PS3, something that hadn’t been happening in recent months. Super Smash Bros. Brawl was the big winner this month with 2.7 million sold in North America alone. Here are the numbers:

Hardware
Nintendo Wii 721,000
Nintendo DS 698,000
Sony PSP 297,000
Xbox 360 262,000
PlayStation 3 257,000
PlayStation 2 216,000

Software Top 10

WII Super Smash Bros.: Brawl - 2,700,000
360 Rainbow Six: Vegas 2 - 752,300
360 Army of Two - 606,100
WII Wii Play - 409,800
PSP God of War: Chains of Olympus - 340,500
PSP Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII - 301,600
WII Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock - 264,100
360 MLB 2k8 - 237,100
360 Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare - 237,000
PS3 Army of Two - 224,900

I love arcades and console gaming. I think both are great, but I don’t really see the point in cramming both into a massive monstrosity. A couple of weeks ago I posted about somebody who ruined a Tempest to shove a Wii into the cabinet, but this guy takes it one step further. This custom MAME cabinet incorporates a full MAME setup, a Nintendo Wii, a 42″ HDTV, a 6.1 sound system, and one of the biggest cabinets you’ll ever see. It’s ugly, it’s huge, and it’s probably just an overall bad idea. The four player coin door is a genius stroke when it only has a two player setup as well. Just great thinking all around went into this one. To get an idea at the size of this thing, here are some comparison dimensions and a picture:

Dimensions for a Donkey Kong arcade cabinet
Height: 67″
Depth: 33.5″
Width: 23.5″
approx. 220 lbs

Dimensions for the Custom MAME/Wii machine
Height: 78″
Depth: 60″
Width: 48″
approx. 500 lbs

Oh, and did I mention that the seller wants $7,000 for this thing (before shipping)? Hahahahahamburger.

A 19 yr. old “man” was arrested for threatening his mom with a knife when she refused to let him use her credit card to buy a new Xbox and a sports jersey. The moron, who was just released out of jail, was upset that his Xbox didn’t work when he got back and he wanted to buy a new one. When the repair center said it would take 30 days, he went stupid and tried to buy a new one with his mom’s credit card. When she refused, he decided to calmly and rationally pull a knife on her to try to persuade her. The original news report said:

White’s mother told police her son got out of jail Sunday and became upset when he tried to use the gaming system for the first time since his incarceration and it didn’t work.

“His mother called the company and they said that they can ship another unit, but it would take 30 days to process the claim,” the report states.

Not wanting to wait, White took his mother’s credit card and tried to order another unit and a new sports jersey over the Internet. White’s mom said he couldn’t order anything, and he reportedly hid the credit card in his bedroom.

White’s anger worsened and he got a knife and “said he was going to hurt her.”

White’s sister said she saw her brother holding a knife.

White denied having a knife, saying he was “upset that he just got out of jail and his Xbox does not work and his jersey is missing.”

Come on, who does she think she is? He’s had a rough go in jail and now his Xbox is broken? She should be showering him with gifts, favors, and floor seat tickets to the upcoming Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana concert.

It’s a pretty skimpy week for releases with the 360 and PSP taking a bye week. Okami on the Wii and GT5: Prologue on the PS3 are the two big hitters, as both have been received well by critics. Here are the releases.

PlayStation 3:

• Gran Turismo 5: Prologue

Nintendo Wii:

• Okami
• Summer Sports: Paradise Island
• Emergency Mayhem
• Dream Pinball 3D

Virtual Console:

• Mega Turrican (Genesis)
• Fantasy Zone (Master System

Nintendo DS:

• MLB 2K8 Fantasy All Stars
• Rondo of Swords
• High School Musical 2: Work It Out
• Cory in the House
• Teenage Zombies

Cory in the House? Well, maybe I spoke incorrectly earlier. It appears there are 3 big releases this week.

The new PS3 firmware update isn’t the only thing worth downloading this Tuesday. The new Rock Band songs are as follows:

• “Call Me” - Blondie
• “Simple Man” - Lynyrd Skynyrd
• “Message in a Bottle” - The Police

Message in a Bottle is pretty fun on Guitar Hero, so I’m willing to give that a try. I may pick up the Blondie song because my wife could use more songs with female vocals. Emulating Scott Weiland gets a little rough on the vocal chords after a while for a woman, I would think.

One of Nintendo’s most beloved and widely popular franchises is back. Mario Kart launched in Japan today for the Wii and will be hitting US shores on the 27th of this month. Initial impressions say that the gameplay is a mix between Mario Kart DS and Mario Kart Double Dash!!, leaning a bit more toward DD!!. The game is also introducing motorcycles into the mix, making it the first Mario Kart game to deviate from the standard of all characters being in karts. The new dynamic should make things interesting, I’m pretty excited overall.

Online play has been reported to be quite fun, especially in Battle Mode. If any readers pick the game up, please leave your friend codes in the comment section and we can duke it out online.

Oh, and I got dibs on Koopa!

YES! Here’s a direct quote from the official PlayStation blog:

I have more good news to report today – the system software update will also add DTS-HD Master Audio output for Blu-ray videos, which means the high-definition visuals of Blu-ray will now be matched with the highest quality audio for the ultimate movie-watching experience on PS3.

DTS-HD Master Audio is literally bit-for-bit identical to the studio master recording and makes movie soundtracks and sound effects truly come to life. The technology delivers audio at the incredibly high rate of 24.5 mega-bits per second (Mbps) on Blu-ray disc, which is significantly higher than standard DVDs. DTS-HD Master Audio also offers 7.1 audio channels at 96k sampling frequency/24 bit depths, so you’ll be totally immersed in the sound. The firmware update will add DTS-HD High Resolution Audio as well, which is a similar output technology that requires less disc space.

Time to upgrade those receivers and audio setups, suckers. I’ve been keeping my eye on a certain tuner for quite some time, and now it looks like I should make the jump. For companies that were only putting DTS-HD tracks (as far as their HD audio was concerned) on their Blu-ray releases, this is huge. Fox wasn’t including other forms of HD audio, so PS3 owners were forced to revert back to audio quality from yesteryear. Audiophiles, today is a happy day.
Source: Official PlayStation Blog 

In an emotional post over at 1up, Jeff Green, the EIC of the now dead Games For Windows Magazine announced that the publication is finished. The magazine, which was originally called Computer Gaming World, was started 27 years ago and was always a trusted and well-respected source for news, info, previews, and reviews. The magazine editors will stay on as full-time employees of the 1up Network, but nothing was said regarding the fate of the rest of the staff. Here’s hoping that everybody involved has a successful future.

For the original blog post, visit the link: Jeff Green’s 1up Blog