The Stupid Gamer

GTA IV is here, and gamers around the globe are having their fun hijacking cars, taking over the streets, and running from cops. Millions of people lined up at midnight last night to pick up preorders or hopefully to snag one of the few extra copies that stores got outside of reservations.

As with every major launch, however, it hasn’t been all singing and dancing. First discovered on the PlayStation Blog forums, it appears that a significant amount of gamers are dealing with freezing and crashing issues. The problem is also being discussed over at NeoGAF, and it appears that both systems are susceptible; although more complaints are pouring in from PS3 owners. As of now, the recommended fix has been to delete the install and save game data and re-install the game (for PS3 owners). Some say it has worked, others say they’re still having problems. Here’s hoping that gets straightened out, because nothing is more depressing than having issues with your most anticipated game of the year.

In a bit of a controversial move, Gamespot seems to have changed their score for GTA. Yesterday a 9.5 score was showing on the site, but it was quickly pulled as whiners piled on. The full written text wasn’t live yet, but the review showed up in the database and it looked as if the score had indeed been decided upon. Hours later, however, the score had been changed from 9.5 to 10 when the full written review hit the site. For visual proof, see below:

Whether it was an honest mistake or not, it’s probably not the type of mistake Gamespot can afford to make right now with their credibility still in question after Gerstmann’s firing. Forums are already calling foul, even those that were hoping that the game would receive a better score. We’ll await Gamespot’s official response, should they choose to comment.

Even though this stick has been out for months, and even though I’m a huge arcade nut, I just barely got around to getting my hands on the Hori EX2 arcade stick for the Xbox 360 for review. I’ve had experience with the Dead or Alive 4 stick that came out for the Xbox 360 not long after the console’s release, but there were a few issues that I had with that joystick. The Hori EX2 immediately felt like an upgrade the moment I took it out of the box. Keep reading for specific details.

The joystick itself is lightweight (only a couple of pounds), but it still feels like it’s a quality built stick. The curved button layout is reminiscent of Japanese arcade buttons, so those that grew up on Street Fighter II with its six button straight row layout will need a few moments of adjusting to feel comfortable. The buttons themselves are leaf switches, something I very much appreciated. Rather than a noisy click with each button press, you get complete silence. The joystick uses standard microswitches, so it does produce clicks. Also, the joystick is using a square restrictor plate, so hitting diagonals is a breeze. Overall the stick is put together quite impressively and has a very comfortable layout. But how does it perform with Xbox Live Arcade titles?

Games like Pac-Man: Championship Edition work very well with the Hori EX2

Obviously the EX2 can only be played with games that make use of a single stick. This limits the stick to be used with a smaller number of XBLA titles, but it drastically improves the playability of each title you use it for. Using the Xbox 360 d-pad or analog stick for games like Street Fighter II, Pac-Man: Championship Edition, Paperboy, Ms. Pac-Man, and others is a real pain in the neck. The d-pad is a squirrelly piece of junk, and the analog stick lacks the exact precise nature of a digital input, so the EX2 solves these issues by offering arcade perfect controls. After swapping out my standard 360 controller for the EX2, I was able to consistently pull off fighting moves, make sharp turns in Pac-Man, and avoid misdirections in all my games. As much as I love XBLA, the EX2 is a godsend.

At $59.99 (some online sources are cheaper), the EX2 is a pricey peripheral, but I’d argue that it’s a must have for those that are serious about playing the XBLA games regularly or competitively online. While you can still get a higher quality stick from custom arcade stick makers like Timoe or Kaytrim’s Kustoms, this is easily the best option for those looking to pick up their stick from a retailer.

Dimensions: 11″ x 8″ X 1.5″

Yeah, that awesome arcade game show that gave away arcade games as their grand prize is available to watch online. The show, which was too awesome for words, is hosted over at Starcade.tv. Check them out here: http://www.starcade.tv/starcade/episodes.asp

You’ll also see tons of examples of high fashion, amazing hair, and funky beats.

So as I gaze over the releases it’s pretty obvious what everybody is going out to buy this week. Yep, Let’s Yoga is finally here, kiddos. If you must push and shove your way to the shelves, please, only shove older women from the back so they have a chance to catch themselves on their walkers. When you shove them from the sides, they’re going down. Oh yes, and Mario Kart Wii and GTA IV are out too.

Xbox 360:

Grand Theft Auto IV
Iron Man

PlayStation 3:

Grand Theft Auto IV
Iron Man

Nintendo Wii:
Mario Kart Wii
Iron Man

Virtual Console:

Double Dragon (NES)

PlayStation 2:

SNK Arcade Classics Volume 1
Iron Man

Sony PSP:

Chameleon
SNK Arcade Classics V.1
Iron Man

Nintendo DS:

River King: Mystic Valley
Brain Voyage
Toy Shop
Iron Man
Corvette Evolution GT
Let’s Pilates
Let’s Yoga

I’m getting Zero for sure. Yep, for sure.

“Red Tandy” - The Mother Hips
“Time Sick Son of a Grizzly Bear” - The Mother Hips
“Zero” - The Smashing Pumpkins

There’s no song pack this week, so all three songs are individual releases at 160 points each.

Nintendo’s latest earnings report showcased some insane sales numbers and some pretty lofty sales expectations for the DS and Wii. The numbers also provided lifetime sales for the GBA and GameCube. While there are still a few Cubes and GBAs getting sold, the numbers are so insignificant that we can effectively take these numbers as their final sales totals. Here are the numbers pulled from the report:

GameBoy Advance (all versions): 81,060,000
North America: 41,640,000
Japan: 16,880,000
Other: 22,530,000

GameCube: 21,740,000
North America: 12,940,000
Japan: 4,040,000
Other: 4,770,000

Current hardware (lifetime to date):
Nintendo DS: 70,600,000
North America: 22,390,000
Japan: 22,380,000
Other: 25,820,000

Nintendo Wii: 24,450,000
North America: 10,610,000
Japan: 5,900,000
Other: 7,940,000

Other Fun Numbers:
DS has 57 million-selling games (LTD)
Pokemon Diamond/Pearl: 14.77 million sold
Brain Age 1 and 2 (combined): 23.81 million sold
Smash Bros Brawl: 4.85 million as of March 31
The Wii has 26 million-selling games.

Sales Forecast For Next Fiscal Year:
Nintendo Wii hardware: 25 million sold worldwide
Nintendo DS hardware: 28 million sold worldwide
Nintendo Wii Software: 177 million sold
DS software: 187 million sold

So in less than half the time, the Wii has already surpassed GameCube (and Xbox) lifetime sales. That’s pretty impressive and a big turnaround for Nintendo who has struggled the past two generations. The DS is just crazy. There’s not a lot that needs to be said there, because the monstrous numbers speak for themselves. It’s easily going to fly past the GBA lifetime sales,especially if the DS is around for as long before a true successor hits.

So for about a day Amazon had a listing up saying that GTA IV was “meant to be played on the PS3.” Now, after some digging around, it was admitted by Amazon PR Manager Tammy Hovey to Joystiq that Sony had actually paid for the promotional language in their product listing. Here’s how it looked:

Now I’m all for companies advertising the products that they have coming out for their systems, but to speak with such misleading language is incredibly lame. Besides, the Xbox 360 version is going to have exclusive DLC content, so as it stands, it appears that the 360 version is going to be the most complete.

After a small e-riot, the product listing has been changed to a more suitable product listing, and fanboy panties everywhere have become unbunched.

Ok, I’ve had a bunch of emails and a few comments asking about the Stupid Gamer Podcast. It’s not dead, and it will be back soon. For those that don’t know, Stephen had another open heart surgery, and this one really knocked him on his butt. He’s just getting to the point where he’s on his feet again, so it will be some time before he’s back to 100% and ready to hit the mic again. On Miguel’s end, he’s had some terrible misfortune as well. Miguel got hit by some robbers that came into his home and took his laptop, Wii, DS, GBA, GameCube, games, CDs, and much, more. Basically anything of value got taken, and the likelihood of getting his stuff back anytime soon is worse than Nintendo dropping Friend Codes.

A good luck kiss for Miguel and Steve (somehow through Mario…).

So the podcast will be back, but I’ll most likely be flying solo for a few weeks. Miguel is working on a fix for his situation, but these things take time. Stephen is still waiting on his ticker to get better, but you know he’ll come back strong.

The Patapon craze has died down, but if you hit up any random message board and ask for PSP recommendations, several people are going to proclaim it to be among the best games that the PSP has to offer. Well, after giving Patapon a more than fair chance, I’ve got to come clean with my feelings on the game. Patapon is a fraud. I don’t want to get into the argument of PSP fans overhyping mediocrity (it happens A LOT), but Patapon is their prime and shining example. The game isn’t worthless, but it’s full of crippling issues that would need to be addressed in order to make the game fully enjoyable. So, let’s dig into exactly why Patapon falls short.

Rhythm Games Should Encourage the Beat
I’ll start off with my biggest gripe. Patapon is a rhythm action game with a cool style. You control your army of Patapon by keeping beat and by using pre-determined button sequences. To advance, you do one series of buttons presses, to attack, you do another. Each time you successfully execute a series of presses, the Patapons will echo your beat and then do what you commanded them to do. The problem is that there isn’t any consistent and reliable beat in the soundtrack. Even when the Patapon echo your beat, it’s not always ON BEAT. In fact, many times your Patapon will echo back the words of the beat, but at the wrong tempo. Once you hit Fever mode (triggered by several consecutive on beat button sequences), the Patapon REALLY stat to echo the wrong tempo. It’s infuriating. A good rhythm game encourages you to stay on beat, not challenges you to push through the BS the devs thought would be cute to throw at you. The result is a game that never really lets you connect with the sounds of the game, but rather has you relying on your own foot tapping to keep going.

Fever Mode will piss you off. The Patapons go crazy and mess up your beat.

Rhythm Games Rely on Variety - Patapon Lacks It
Another serious issue I have with Patapon is that the game lacks variety. There are basically 3 major commands in the game: March, Attack, and Defend. There are some other tweaks here and there, but for the most part you just cycle through three button sequences over and over again. Sure, the levels change, but here’s the game in a nutshell. Do the March until you come upon an enemy, do the Attack sequence until enemies are gone, March until another enemy, and repeat. In a boss encounter, you March until you’re within range, and alternate between Attack and Defend. The occasional Fever Mode will kick in, but it doesn’t do anything more than just increase your attack power. There are some minigames in Patapon, but they’re pretty simple. However, despite the simplicity of these minigames, they can frustrate as well. Again, the game doesn’t always provide you the proper tempo to match with your own rhythmic button pressing. After a while you just tire of the minigames.

The minigames don’t hold your interest for too long.

Level Grinding in a Rhythm Game?
Patapon isn’t well balanced, and as a result you are forced to level grind to improve the strength of your Patapon. This is a huge design flaw, if you ask me. The action in Patapon should be a compliment to the rhythm foundation of the game. If you keep the beat, you should keep advancing. That is not the case. If you don’t spend time strengthening up your forces by replaying old levels repeatedly, you will not advance deep into the game no matter how perfectly you execute your button presses.

Wanna beat the bosses? Get to grinding, son!

It’s Not All Bad
Patapon has a certain charm and visual style that is very, very, appealing. The game is priced right ($19.99), but it’s definitely another overhyped and overpraised title by the Sony swarm of faithful fanboys. There are much better PSP titles to dedicate your time to that aren’t getting the same amount of praise; and I would encourage everybody to look into those games. I know this post is coming late after the release of the game, but SOMEBODY had to stop the endless hype.

Despite its frustrating aspects, the game looks amazingly cool.

Not the best week of releases, but that’s just the calm before the storm. With Mario Kart Wii and GTA IV so near, I doubt anybody is picking much up right now anyway. I’ll be reviewing the new Pokemon games for Kombo, however. Yay? We’ll see.

PlayStation 3:

• NBA Ballers: Chosen One
• Call of Duty 4: Game of the Year Edition

Xbox 360:

• NBA Ballers: Chosen One

Nintendo Wii:

• Battle of the Bands
• Heavenly Guardian
• Target: Terror
• Wild Earth: African Safari

Virtual Console:

• River City Ransom - NES (BUY THIS OR BE FOREVER BRANDED AN IDIOT)
• Phantasy Star III: Generations of Doom - Genesis

PlayStation 2:

• Riding Star
• Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 3 FES

Nintendo DS:

• Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Darkness
• Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Time
• Dream Pinball 3D, Pocket Pets
• River King: Mystic Valley
• The World Ends With You

Sony PSP:

• Chameleon