The Stupid Gamer

Hooray, a free song! This week’s release is a bit goofy, but it should be great fun. Best of all, it’s free.

• Still Alive - Jonathan Coulton  (ending song from Portal)

I’m not here to judge anybody. Well, maybe I am, but hidden here behind the wall of Internet anonymity, I feel the need to call some people out for their poor decision making. There are things in life that you do that you later regret, and I have pretty much no reservations in saying that each and every person you see below will at some point wish they hadn’t permanently defaced their bodies. So, without further delay, here are a few of the worst gaming tattoos you’ll ever see.

Note: There’s no nudity, but by nature of what tattoos are there will be plenty of skin, so I’m putting the images (after the first one) below the fold. Those at work can decide if their comfortable or not with the amount of skin for themselves. Get past the jump, however, and you’re in for a real treat!

“It’s so bad!” He said it, not me. Wait, actually, the tattoo itself said it. So we have two possible scenarios here, either the guy thought that the Power Glove was so terrible and laughable that it deserved a shoutout on his arm, or else he thought it was so bad (bad meaning good) that it deserved a shoutout on his arm. This, my friends, is just plain bad (you figure out what I mean).

Click the link below for more! You know you want to.

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Wow, this week is the very definition of a yawner. If you haven’t picked up Call of Duty 4 yet…DO IT NOW! Here are the releases:

Xbox 360:

• Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare - Game of the Year Edition
• Smash Court Tennis 3

PlayStation 3:

• No releases this week

Nintendo Wii:

• The Monkey King: The Legend Begins
• WWII Aces

PlayStation 2:

• RC Mini Copter
• Mana Khermia: Alchemists of Al-Revis
• Ford Off Road Racing

Sony PSP:

• Ford Off Road Racing

Nintendo DS:

• Toy Shop
• Double Sequence: The Q-Virus Invasion
• George of the Jungle

For the next 5 days you can have a crack at owning the complete collection of NES games without having to track anything down individually. An eBay seller has listed his entire collection of 739 NES games, many with boxes and manuals, for sale in one giant auction.

At the time I was writing this, the bidding had topped $6,100. With 5 days left, I’m guessing the final bid may break the $10,000 barrier.

Here’s a link to the auction (this link will die about a month after the auction ends): http://tinyurl.com/2k8apu

DoDonPachi Dai Ou Jou Black Label X and Ketsui X, two amazing vertical shooters were in development for Xbox Live Arcade; and I for one couldn’t have been more pleased to hear it. Well, apparently Microsoft has denied the games for release, saying that they’re “going to cut down on faithful arcade ports.” Hey dimwits, your service is called XBOX LIVE ARCADE…ARCADE! These games really are worth checking out, and it aggravates me that Microsoft is going to be so blatantly idiotic with the handling of these games.

Does Microsoft really have an idea of what they’re doing anymore? They still haven’t fixed their hardware reliability issues (I’m now on my 4th 360, and my wireless controller just broke over the weekend), they keep messing around with their SKUs and pricing, and they pull projects like this one that would have been both a hit in Japan and a huge nod toward the hardcore gaming crowd. How would putting these games out on XBLA be anything but a good thing? Is it so we can save a release slot for another Feeding Frenzy or some generic dual stick shooter?

Wake up, Microsoft. Until you figure out what your fans want, you’re going to have to keep watching the PS3 run you down in sales (you’re getting killed in Japan, and have been bested two months straight in the US). You keep talking like you want to succeed in Japan, but then you deny two games that are extremely Japanese friendly for release? Ridiculous. Thankfully the developers of the games are planning to test the retail market and put the games out on discs, but I have a strange suspicion that they’re not going to get the support they need to make it out here in the West.

I’m going to have to create a “Stupid Certified” stamp for things like this.

Yep, in May all 360 owners out there will get an opportunity to try out Itagaki’s bloodfest by way of a playable demo that will be available on Xbox Live Marketplace. The game, which is scheduled to release in June, is the follow up to one of the finest Xbox (and now PS3) titles ever made.

When it comes to action games, it really doesn’t get much better than the Ninja Gaiden franchise. The 8-bit releases on the NES still hold up as excellent 2D games, and when the series made the jump to 3D for the Xbox, nothing was lost in the translation. By all accounts Ninja Gaiden II is going to be nothing short of spectacular, so I can’t wait to dig into the demo and feel how the game has changed and what I can expect come June.

Here we have a case where somebody has taken a beautiful Tempest arcade game and stripped it out to shove a Wii into it. Did they just really gut a game worth $600-$1000 (depending on your market area) in order to use it as a somewhat novel Wii encasement? Yep, they did. What’s worse is that you can’t really enjoy this unless you’re standing up in front of the arcade cabinet, and you’re locked into a small TV. Gamers, respect the classics!

According to reports, they trashed the vector monitor (which are no longer made) that used to be in there too. Ouch.

Crisis Core and Ninja Gaiden are the two hot releases this week, making handhelds the focus for the first time in a while. There’s not anything too exciting coming out for consoles, but there’s a small underground following for the Wii’s Opoona that’s already championing the title. Anyway, here are the releases for the week.

Xbox 360:

• Dark Sector
• Viking: Battle for Asgard
• Universe at War: Earth Assault

PlayStation 3:

• Dark Sector
• Viking Battle for Asgard

Nintendo Wii:

• Octomania
• Obscure: The Aftermath
• Opoona

Virtual Console:

• Powerball (Genesis)
• King’s Knight (NES)

PlayStation 2:

• Naruto Ultimate Ninja 3
• Obscure: The Aftermath
• Sea Monsters: A Prehistoric Adventure

Sony PSP:

• Warriors Orochi
• Final Fantasy VII: Crisis Core

Nintendo DS:

• Harvest Moon DS Cute
• Ninja Gaiden: Dragon Sword
• Backyard Baseball 2009
• Plushees

SWEET! Next week we’ll be getting 6 Boston tracks, including what might be my favorite song from the Guitar Hero franchise, More Than a Feeling. The entire pack of six songs will cost $9.00, or you can download them individually. Rock Band and Boston are like chocolate and peanut butter…they need each other. Here are the songs:

• Hitch a Ride
• More Than a Feeling
• Peace of Mind
• Rock & Roll Band
• Smokin’
• Something About You

Seriously, do yourselves a favor and grab More Than a Feeling if nothing else.

I’m down and out with a migraine today, but this was so cool I still had to share. This is a remake of Metroid II: Return of Samus. I’ve always felt that the game has been criminally underrated, but I can understand why many Metroid fans aren’t immediately drawn to it. Follow the YouTube link below to check it out.

Metroid II remake.

Side note: For some reason I can’t get YouTube videos to embed properly in posts. When this raging headache disappears, I’ll figure out why and I’ll start making videos a regular part of the site. Excited? I’m sure you are.