The Stupid Gamer

Coming right of an Activision press release, here’s the newest set of tracks unveiled for GHIII. All are master tracks, but they’re pretty obscure names for North Americans. The new songs include:

“Minus Celsius,” by Backyard Babies
“Hier Kommt Alex,” by Die Toten Hosen
“In the Belly of a Shark,” by Gallows
“I’m in the Band,” by The Hellacopters
“Avalancha,” by Heroes Del Silencio
“Take This Life,” by In Flames
“Ruby,” by Kaiser Chiefs
“Closer,” by Lacuna Coil
“Generation Rock,” by Revolverheld
“Mauvais Garcon,” by NAAST
“Radio Song,” by Superbus

If you’re curious, you can find versions of each song on YouTube. I really am not too enthused by any of them to tell the truth.

Every year at this time the kids are hitting up JC Penny, Wal-Mart, and local malls to get their back to school shopping completed. As the kids, teens, and college goers storm the retail outlets to pick up new shoes, shirts, pants, and supplies, they pass by the store windows of game stores scattered in strategic locations. These windows are full of adverts for Madden (which usually hails the return of great games), sequels to the biggest franchises in gaming, and what is being touted as the next big thing in gaming.

From now until the end of the year the release schedule is packed solid with AAA titles on each and every platform out there. It’s that time of year that each Saturday morning you have to make the touch choice: do I watch the early college football games before my team takes the field, or do I frag some baddies and delve deeper into my growing pile of games? It’s that time when your backlog replenishes itself and you scramble to finish off what remains from last year’s slew of releases. It’s that time when you justify dropping hundreds of dollars on game after game. So, what exactly do we have to look forward to this year? What’s going to drive Visa balances through to their limits?

BioShock - Releasing tomorrow, BioShock is a revolutionary take on the FPS genre. Coming out for both the 360 and PC, BioShock provides amazing visuals, creepy motifs, gorgeous art, and action-packed gameplay that varies every time you spin the disc.

Metroid Prime 3: Corruption - The largest title to hit the Wii since Twilight Princess, Prime 3 is Retro’s first release on Nintendo’s landmark console. Adding a new control scheme to the legendary series is proving to fuel hype and anticipation for next week when the game launches.

Blue Dragon - Also hitting store shelves next week is the newest RPG to hit the 360. Blue Dragon is best described as one part Dragon Quest (gameplay) and one part Dragon Ball Z (art style). While not the most revolutionary title, Blue Dragon is helping to diversify the 360 lineup and show gamers that Microsoft is committed to bringing a well-rounded library to the console.

Warhawk - Incognito’s final game is going to be made available on both retail shelves on via download through Sony’s PlayStation Network. The game boasts huge multiplayer battles and a great range of weapons and vehicles. Warhawk is going to give the PS3 this year’s first big online hit.

Heavenly Sword - This stunning action title from Ninja Theory is a great showcase for the PS3’s power and versatility. The game is sure to be a hit with action fans that are craving a good beat ‘em up experience.

Halo 3 - Not much needs to be said here. Halo 2 had the biggest first day ever in regards to revenue and Microsoft expects Halo 3 to surpass it. Either way, the game is going to be one of the most talked about games from the day it releases (late September) all the way through the holidays.

The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass - Easily the most anticipated game on portables this year is Nintendo’s newest Zelda adventure. Phantom Hourglass is already raising eyebrows for its unique control scheme, stunning visuals, and depth of gameplay. It should be the perfect title to bring along during holiday travels.

Mass Effect - BioWare’s epic sci-fi action/RPG title features branching storylines, great graphics, and some of the most realistic AI interactions ever seen in a game. Ever since its first showing at E3 last year, Mass Effect has been on just about every 360 owner’s wish list.

Super Mario Galaxy - My personal favorite in the avalanche of holiday hits is none other than Super Mario Galaxy. Every screen, video, or bit of info just oozes with style and charm. If you can’t get excited for this game, you need to re-evaluate why you play games in the first place.

Rock Band - Threatening to talk away Guitar Hero’s title as king of the music genre is EA’s Rock Band. The game is playable by up to 4 people at one time (a guitarist, bassist, drummer, and lead singer). Also, EA is promising to support the game with weekly downloadable content.

Super Smash Bros. Brawl - This game will probably end up being the Wii’s biggest title of the year, and it’s no mystery as to why. The Smash Bros. series has been a fan favorite for years, and Brawl is riding one of the biggest hype waves a Nintendo game has seen in quite some time.

Honorable Mentions - Lair, Medal of Honor: Airborne, Eternal Sonata, Sonic Rush Adventure, Lost Odyssey, Beautiful Katamari, Zack & Wiki: Quest for Barbaros’ Treasure, Ratchet & Clank Future: Tools of Destruction, Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney Trials and Tribulations, Castlevania: The Dracula X Chronicles, Virtua Fighter 5, Guitar Hero III, Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare, Fire Emblem: Goddess of Dawn, Assassin’s Creed, Army of Two, Resident Evil: Umbrella Chronicles, Uncharted: Drake’s Fortune.

I’m sure I missed a few titles, so feel free to let me know what else you might be looking for. Obviously it’s going to be a financial impossibility to buy all of these games, so getting picky is going to be a necessity. If a major drought should ever hit gaming, however, there’s enough here to revisit for countless hours of gaming.

Sorry, but due to technical issues we were unable to get a podcast out this week. If you truly need a podcast fix, I suggest the CAGcast, 1up Yours, GFW Radio, and this week’s Major Nelson podcast as it’s loaded with good BioShock info.

The BioShock demo has been out for a few days and several stores have broken the street date and starting selling the game a week early. BioShock is one of those few titles that is absolutely cleaning up with reviewers while managing to dodge criticism from just about everybody that has had a chance to get some time with the game. I see several of my buddies in the industry playing the game for review as I check my Xbox Live friends list and I can’t help but be a little envious. After all, I’m working on Brain Age 2 right now while they’re uncovering the secrets of Rapture.

As I’ve played through the BioShock demo I’ve found myself taking tons of extra time in each room just admiring the detail, the art style, and the sheer beauty of Rapture. The use of the late 1940s decor mixes well with the failed Utopian theme of the game and makes for one of the most unique and attractive games to ever to hit consoles or PC.

BioShock hits next week on the PC and 360. I think at this point if you own a 360 or a PC capable of running the game, you should be forced to play BioShock or face a ban until you learn to appreciate the great achievements in game design that our hobby has to offer.

Metroid Prime 3 releases later this month (August 27th) and there is little to no hype pushing the title. Sure, there are other heavy hitters that came out or are coming out this month as well, but there’s no reason that a title as significant and incredible as Prime 3 should be flying so far under the radar. The original Metroid Prime, and its sequel, are two of the best games that have been developed by a Nintendo 1st or 2nd party, and Metroid Prime 3 is looking to take the series to an even higher level with better graphics, a deeper gameplay experience, larger worlds, and a more involved storyline.

So why no hype? Why isn’t the game getting any sort of media blitz? I think Nintendo is making a big mistake by failing to properly advertise and promote Metroid Prime 3. They are taking for granted the existing Metroid fanbase and just assuming that they alone can make the game a sales success. In my opinion, this is pretty faulty. Sure, Wii consoles are flying off the shelves as fast as stores can stock them, but Metroid Prime 3 is the type of title that the Wii hasn’t seen much of. Prime 3 could help generate interest in the hardcore and casual markets that may not be won over by the new play styles of games like Wii Sports or Wii Play. These gamers need games like Metroid Prime 3 to justify their purchase of the Wii. These gamers need to know that Nintendo is comfortable releasing games of this scope on the Wii and that it won’t just be a one shot deal. It’s stuff like this that ultimately drove Silicon Knights and Factor 5 into the arms of Microsoft and Sony.

I still have hope that Prime 3 will see strong word of mouth support, but I’ll be surprised if it manages to push 1 million copies before the end of the year. I just would like to see Nintendo show a little faith in the project.

Yeah, it happened again. Madden rolls around and I get excited because I’m going to play in online leagues with friends. Each year I approach the game with skepticism and usually Gamefly the title until our leagues play out. This year, however, good ol’ Bryan from 1up assured us that the game was stellar and a real improvement for the series. I should have known better, especially after getting burned on NCAA Football 08.

No matter how I adjust the sliders or how I adjust my play style, each and every game features no less than 8 or 9 turnovers. That’s not realistic, that’s stupid. The last game I played was a laugher. I picked the CPU off 9 times, but fumbled it away 5. This is typical in Madden 08, not exceptional. So why did this happen? Well, first of all EA is lazy. Instead of addressing the issue of players being able to easily complete sideline passes, they cranked up the awareness of defensive backs to a level that would make Miss Cleo jealous. As soon as you release the ball defensive backs react to the throw, even if they aren’t looking. Combine that with the fact that 90% of the time a DB touches the ball he picks it off and you get games where half of the throws result in turnovers.

So what do you do when you can’t pass? Well you try to run. It’s too bad that about 10% of running plays result in fumbles. This happens because EA buttered up the ball so that you mash the “protect” button when running into a tackle. They cheat the player into using the “feature” or they face big time punishment. There’s plenty more to whine about (special teams play is crap, same generic playbooks as always, crappy presentation), but I want to attack the real issue before this goes on much longer. Why can’t reviewers call EA out a bit more? Do they really have a noose around us all? Are we afraid of pissing of the casual gamer with a negative review of such a big game?

In my opinion, Madden won’t live up to its potential until EA does the following:

• Make proper use of the license. Give us good presentation for a change. Look what VC did back in 2004 with NFL 2k5 and learn something from it.
• Toss the generic crappy playbook system and give us something deeper along the lines of All-Pro Football (and other past VC football games).
• Stop covering deep cuts with band-aids and fix the problems. Instead of cranking DB awareness and ability up to superhuman levels, FIX IT. This year they took a lazy way out.
• Find a way to eliminate online lag. The kicking game is atrocious online even with a good connection.
• GIVE US LEAGUE SUPPORT. Again, NFL 2k5 did this years ago and All-Pro Football is doing it now.
• No more gimmicks. You know what I’m talking about here. Instead of working on the core of the game, EA loves to toss in some odd gimmick year to year; mostly to help in the promotion of the game.

Maybe it’s not fair to pin this all on Bryan Intihar. I guess I just needed a face to pin to my dartboard for a moment. Sure, he was the most vocal supporter in the media as he gushed about the game for the past month, but plenty of other reviewers are guilty of the same. For some reason they whine 80% of the time through their review only to say, “but the core is solid” before slapping a 9.0 score on the game. If you’re frustrated half the time, maybe the game doesn’t deserve that 9.0. Crazy thought, huh?

So I paid my $60 and I got suckered. At least it’s still pretty fun playing online, but the game is almost garbage offline. It’s probably my fault for getting my hopes up yet again.

Lorne Lanning, president and co-founder of Oddworld Inhabitants, appeared in a 2-part interview with EGM editors on their weekly podcast, EGM Live. This week the second part of the interview aired and it’s worth a listen. Lorne kind of goes off and starts claiming that there’s no link to Osama Bin Laden and 9/11 and claiming that conspiracies exist here and there; and that somehow this plays into the reason why his games have failed in recent years. The whole thing sounded like a guy that is looking for more excuses why his games have struggled to sell lately. Beyond the conspiracy theories you can hear him go off and whine about game types that are popular. Non-gamers, terrorists, Britney Spears fan club members, and more are all a part of Lorne’s ramblings.

Hey Lorne, Oddworld Stranger’s Wrath didn’t sell because EA didn’t promote it. End of story. Either make a good game worth playing sometime soon or shut your hole.

Here’s a direct link to the show: EGM Live

Consoles/Handhelds

• Madden 2008 (Wii, DS, PS3, PSP, Xbox, Xbox 360, GameCube, PS2, GBA, PC, Mobile, Ti-85 Calculator)
• Dungeons and Dragons Tactics (PSP)
• Call of Duty 3 Enhanced Greatest Hits (PS2)
• Marvel Ultimate Alliance Greatest Hits (PS2)
• Fatal Fury Battle Archives Volume 1 (PS2)
• Metropolismania 2 (PS2)
• Luminous Arc (DS)
• High School Musical: Makin’ the Cut (DS)
• Rune Factory: Fantasy Harvest Moon (DS)
• Operation: Vietnam (DS)
• Heroes of Mana (DS)

Virtual Console

• Metroid
• Cratermaze
• Shining in the Darkness

Xbox Live Arcade

• Ecco the Dolphin
• Hexic 2

PlayStation Network

• Nothing announced yet

A neat little application online lets you make your own parody Atari 2600 labels. Just add an image, name, and some color and you’ll have your own label to share. Imagine what this would look like…

You can create your own label here: Atari 2600 label maker