The Stupid Gamer

I’m probably going to take some crap for this, but I think it’s worth it. Before I dig into this piece, let me explain my methodology for choosing those found in this piece. Every once in a while you’ll see a message board thread inviting the community to share their gaming and/or home theater setups. Eager forum users time and time again step up and post their pictures while proudly stating, “this is my setup!” Well, if you’re going to put yourself out there, I’m going to be the jerk that saves your picture, shares it with an audience, and ridicules each and every one of your missteps. To be fair, however, I don’t make fun of people for having poor setups due to financial constraint; everybody is judged according to how well they did within their financial means.

Note: I’ll be adding to this as the need arrives. If you find worthy submissions, email them to me at jar155 [at] gmail dot com.

Surround sound only works if, you know, it SURROUNDS YOU. Unless this gamer is planning on pressing his nose against that LCD display, there’s absolutely no possible way that he’s going to benefit from a 5.1 system. In fact, it’s going to sound as confusing as all get out when footsteps that should sound like they’re coming from behind come from in front of you and up in the air. Ridiculous. This is like that time when I thought I’d be clever and use a bar of soap to wash my hair instead of shampoo so I could just start at the top and work down. Well, actually, it’s nothing like that, but both things are pretty stupid. At least my decision was recognized and never repeated. This chump actually is proud of what’s going on in the pic above.

The madness continues after the jump…

I understand that by hooking your consoles up to your computer monitor that you can take advantage of HD resolutions without having to spring for a costly TV set. Maybe, however, you should make just a few inches of space on your desk before throwing more crap on there. I can’t wait to check back in with this guy in 6 months only to see that he’s added a gerbil cage, an anvil, and a few weather vanes.

I don’t know if the guy’s right leg is four feet longer than his left leg, or if he meant to take this shot at this angle. Either way, it makes me nauseous. On top of the wonderful photography skills, it might help…ah forget it, give me a shot that doesn’t make me ill and I’ll comment on the setup.

BEHOLD THE TOWER OF POWER! Holy mother of Wal-Mart! I have a real hard time believing that the heaviest piece of equipment is meant to be on the tip top of this atrocity. I’d say that this is like trying to balance a candy apple on the stick’s end, but that’s gotta be at least four times a stable as what this guy is sporting. I guarantee he tip-toes to his bed every night, kind of like when Elmer Fudd is hunting Bugs Bunny. I bet it’s great watching it from that couch to the left too. There’s nothing more relaxing than looking straight up and to the left while playing a game or enjoying a quality film.

Here we are dealing with almost the exact opposite as what’s going on above. It’s like this guy looked around for the absolute best way to get his setup as low to the ground as possible and ran with it. If this guy’s pet rat ran across the floor, he’d better slap the pause button to avoid getting blocked off. Oh, and yeah, pump those weights, er, weight dude.

Can somebody, I mean anybody, tell me why in the world this picture showed up in a “show your gaming setup” message board thread? not only is it too dark to see what the setup is made of, it’s of two PCs displaying the same image. Ok, I can appreciate the cheesecake, but c’mon, it’s time to stop giggling at half-naked girls and focus. Oh look, a bird! Hee hee!

I wouldn’t normally dare of asking a guy to drill into high quality wood paneling, but he’s got so much wire running around that I’m willing to bet that getting a radio signal or cell phone reception in that paradise of panels is nigh impossible. I dig the dirty laundry sitting next to the set too. I’m sure his pals enjoy bouts of Halo on the ‘box while catching random whiffs of his socks and boxers.

This is a popular post that floats around the Internet and nobody is quite sure if it’s real or not. By not including it, however, it would have been a great disservice to everybody reading this post. If this is a real setup…well, I’m truly speechless. I wonder how often mom and dad let the kid out. I bet it’s real fun whenever that central vacuum gets fired up right next to the gamer’s face. Sweet needle-nosed pliers, by the way.

I know that may times in life we mi ght lack space, but you’ve got to be pretty bold if you want me to believe that there wasn’t a wall any bigger than this for the gaming setup. I bet it’s pretty awesome to come stumbling out of that bedroom at 3:00am only to walk right into a pile of entertainment joy.

Let’s go through the standard questions here of who, what, when, why, how, and where. Who connects their 360 to a tiny LCD screen when they have a massive screen right above it? What sort of person lays a speaker on the ground? Is that to pick up that neat-o vibration effect? When this guy got the idea for this setup, did he do rush into it as quickly as possible before spending the necessary couple of seconds to reconsider? Why is the 360 on the ground? Is that to encourage the intake of dust? How did this guy learn the voodoo necessary to make those shelves hold still without any support? Any takers on how long before they come crashing down? Where in the world is this place? Bizzaro Toys ‘R Us? There are odd figurines everywhere, but my favorite has to be Vampire Jerry Seinfeld in the foreground.

Check out Part Two and Three of this feature. I decided to split them up to keep 56k users from gagging on their fat connections.

This entry was posted on Monday, June 18th, 2007 at 9:58 pm and is filed under Elitism, Funny. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.